Forget Jakarta

Assalamualaikum....
Hahahahahahahaahahahahahha-_- ok blogging here probably should be the last thing i do because the shit inside this blog only makes me want to cry!
:--) i just recently broke up. yes. with him. the guy i used to write about. and probably won't write about anymore. all of that "me and you against the world" means nothing anymore now.
have you guys ever been there before? where you want to still be with that someone and wants to keep the other one as a close friend and end up losing both? yea well that sucks and i'm going to make sure that doesn't happen again.
I wanted to post about my birthday but....he he i'd rather not. :)
SOOOOOOOOOOOO hehehehehehehehe i'm single now :-) not really happy about it but yea whatever hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehhehehehehehehehe it's pathetic how i keep typing "hehehehehehehehe" / "ahahahahahahahah" just to fucking cheer myself up because even my iPod makes me want to cry :'( huhu. bad iPod. baaaaad bad iPod!
i still don't have the guts to open my documents>pictures>mine.
i still don't have the guts to end this nicely.
i don't have the guts to longer open my fme. :''''''((
i don't even have the guts to do anything anymore.
i'm still on my midterm btw-_- thank God Math and Economy passed already even though i shit myself during the exam ahahahahahahahaha no. not good dav. don't laugh about this one.
ok. pernah gak kebangun jam 5 subuh gara-gara ketiduran pas nangis, belum puas jd bangun, baru melek, langsung cerrrrr....
eh mama masuk "kok adek udah bangun sih jam segini?" "hehehehehe" trs dia nyamperin lo. meluk. bercanda. dan lo cuma bales meluk, ketawa, tapi mata lo berair air.
rasanya baru aja kemaren kita sepakat buat sebulan sekali makan seafood berdua. dan ternyata emang baru dua hari yang lalu. jleb.
pernah gak ngerasa "cowok ini cowok terakhir yang gue sayang" dan rasanya yakin banget, sampe sampe lo putus dan masih yakin? :)
pernah gak lo ngerasa jodoh terakhir lo itu dia? jadi ya abis putus gak akan dapet jodoh lagi.
ok. lebay. tapi, gue ngerasain semua itu. sekaligus. sekarang.
mungkin karena dia cowok pertama yang bikin gue bener-bener sayang. atau mungkin, gue udah terlalu terbiasa ada dia selama dua tahun kurang ini jadi rasanya dia udah jadi bagian dari hidup gue. keseharian gue. dan gak mungkin gue ngelewatin hari gue tanpa dia. gue ulangin lagi dengan font bold.  gamungkin. gue ulang lg deh dengan italic. gamungkin. sekarang gue underline. gamungkin. ya pokoknya intinya tuh gamungkin deh. susah. ato bahkan ya....GAMUNGKIN.
kadang gue bingung sama hati + otak yang sama sekali gak temenan gini. harus gue jodohin emg. biar gak begini amat lovelife gue.
gue emang putus. tapi gue belum kesampean ngasih kaos woody-nya ke ricky. bakal masih gue kasih walaupun lewat perantara.
gue belum kesampean bantu dia beli bass. dan iya. gue bakal tetep nabung, nyisihin setengah uang jajan gue tiap hari buat bass dia :) kalo ditolak nantinya....well. itu urusan nanti.
yg paling bikin gue sedih adalah....
kalo ngambek gaada yang nyuruh gue dengerin lagunya ne-yo yang mad. gak ada bro.
kalo gue kangen gak ada yang dateng dan bersukarela jadi samsak, guling, boneka dan sebagainya.
kalo gue nangis gak ada yang nenangin. kyk skrg, ha ha. sip.
kalo gue ngerasa jelek gak ada yang ngomong gue cantik.
kalo gue ngerasa makin gendut, gak ada lagi yang bilang "aku suka kamu gendut. aku sayang sama kamu."
tuh. kata sayang tuh. gak ada lg kan dav yg ngmng beribu ribu kali sehari cuma buat ngingetin ke lo :)
gue td mlm jg deactivate twitter dan facebook. kyk org tolol. gue gatau mau gmn. mau mati masih byk dosa. mau berhenti makan ntar kurus.
mau nangis....udah. ampe capek gue.
jadi gini selama ini nyaranin orang move on tapi stuck sama satu orang dan kemungkinan besar bakal selamanya stuck?
udah tau gue calon gagal move on, gue tetep batu nih gak mau balikan kalo diajak. KALO diajak, goblok-_-
mau nulis novel. cliché abis bro kesannya. ntar isinya curhat curhat ga penting lg. maludeh.
ya pokoknya kalo lo ketemu gue di tengah jalan, liat gue ketawa-ketawa. jangan sapa gue trs nanya "weits udah move on lu?" antara gue meraung raung meluk kaki lo sambil nangis-nangis.....ato.....gue ketawa makin keras. beli eskrim dracola. makan sendiri di pojokan.
gaklah. gue pasti jawab udah. jaim dikit. abis itu plg ke rumah mukulin dada nangis-nangis di deket jendela balkon. krik.
sekarang iPod yang gue shuffle pun mainin lagu Back In God's Hands dari Nelly Furtado. yang reff-nya begini;
"we forgot about love, we forgot about faith, we forgot about trust, we forgot about us.
now our love's floating out the window. our love's floating out the back door. our love's floating up to the sky, and heaven, where it began...back in god's hands."
ok. galau dav. galau abis.
"we gave a lot, but it wasn't enough...we got so tired, that we just gave up."
ok. stop dav.
gue pusing. gue hancur. gue gatau harus pake kata-kata apalagi buat ngejelasin perasaan gue yang ribet ini. :):):)
oh well. semua salah gue sih. tapi semua juga udah lewat, udah terlanjur.
jadi, davianya mau siap-siap buat kesekolah jam 11 nanti ya ;)
thank you guys so much. i don't use twitter anymore so i probably would write here a little more often (:
oh ya just incase all of you are asking about the posts i wrote about him. && about his face on a buzz lightyear body. i am removing none :) because i'd like to keep them as a happy memory rather than a sad one. because no matter how sad i am right now, i used to be the happiest me when we were together.
i will never ever ever ever forget you although it would be nice if i could just forget this heartache :)
hey:) thank you for reading ya. i love you ({}). have a great life.

asdfghjklove,
davia.