Hi guys. It’s been ages eh? :0 my god I miss this blog. As usual, I am going to ask all of you to check out the title of the post, and guess what today’s post’s about ;p
I’m going to talk about a guy, I have loved since I was about fifteen. I know you guys know who i am referring to.
I know it’s always been a “bye hi” sort of thing between me and him and I am not going to lie, I am pretty sad to say that this time, it's actually a “hi bye” kind of thing. The point is, we parted. And this time, for good. It’s been a month or so and I am surprisingly okay.
I mean, Alhamdulillah I’m okay again. July 20th was one of the worst day I ever had to face in my seventeen years of life.
Silly me, I thought we’d actually be together forever.
No, I didn’t ask for the break up. He was the one with the idea. And that idea made me hardly eat for weeks!
I wasn’t okay. I was a mess. I was the messiest I could possibly be.
He said he no longer felt the same.
I still did.
So I cried my days away. I cried and cried and cried. I prayed and begged God to take it all away, the pain, the memories, everything. I wished for the World to stop spinning, for the sun to stop revolving, for the clock to stop clicking, for my heart to stop beating. I wished for everything, anything to stop my heart from breaking.
And one day I just knew. I finally knew what to do. It felt weird though, but good.
That day I learned that no matter how much I have lost, There are things that i just can't have back. Because no man is rich enough to buy his past. Sad, but very very true.
I finally realize that i HAD to move on and that one day, he’s going to wake up knowing that he let me go. He let someone who loved him with all she had gone.
And me? I am going to wake up feeling thankful that he let me go. Why? Because he didn’t love me enough, and I know someone out there will.
I can’t say that I have forgotten about him. That would be a lie. Because I still dream about him. About happy things, really. I dreamed about being together again, about us getting married and so. Alhamdulillah I am no longer in tears. And the dreams? The dreams are beautiful.
Have I stopped loving him? (: no. true love doesn’t have an expiry date but still, people change. Hearts grow stronger, and memories get forgotten.
I know years from now I’ll be like “oh yes I loved him, but I’m okay because I have someone new that treats me better, loves me better and understands me better.”
So here’s something for you, nom. (even though I’m not sure that you’ll actually read my blog hihi)
I love you. And I wish you the best of everything. What we had was beautiful. And real…well I’m not so sure about you but at least what I had to you was real, legit, authentic, and strong. I might no longer look for you anymore, but I still think of you. When I listen to the songs we used to sing or listen together, when I pass by the places we used to visit, when I watch happy love movies, etc. I still think about you. a lot. But I am okay. So you, should be better. I won’t be mean and say things like “lol dickhead I didn’t leave, you fucking let me go” or something like that because I know that when you left, you had a good reason to. I just hope that that reason’s worth it. Worth what we had. Because we had everything. We used to be so happy. I’m not sure what changed but that’s how love works, eh? In a mysterious, melancholy way. And you know lightnings don’t strike the same place twice, nom. You might find someone worse than me. Or you might find someone better than me. But please do know that that someone will never be “me”. No one’s me enough for you to have the same love twice. And the same thing works for me. I might find someone worse, or better. But that someone will never be you enough to make me feel the exact same way I felt about you. I might be less in love, or more in love. Just never in the same dose.
I’m sorry that I promised to wait, broke that promise and woke up finding that my love stopped. It didn’t go. It just stopped. It stayed there. Because when you left you didn’t only take a part of my heart with you, you literally took a part of me as well. Don’t give it back. You can have it hihi.
I wish I could give you my last warmest hug and my last sweetest kiss. But wouldn’t that mean goodbye? =) let’s not forget about what we had and just be happy about what we have now okay? Now that you understand (if you don’t please do try your best to.)
In the right time, and in the right place, I guess I’ll see you again? Soon? ♥